We should never forget our cultural and literary heritage and the discipline genre, in common with other literary genres, has a wealth of classic folk tales worth preserving, this isn’t one of them, but you’re getting it anyway.
A Classic Discipline Fairy Tale:
Once upon a time, an authoritative but patient and kind Top lived all by himself in a little old house by the side of a road. One day, the authoritative but patient and kind Top, decided to make himself a special treat, because he recognised his own worth and knew that he was completely entitled to nice treats from time to time, especially if all his duties were in order and up to date, as of course they always were.
So, it came to pass that the authoritative but patient and kind Top made a handsome little gingerbread boy and put him in the oven to bake. Before long he heard a tiny voice calling, “Let me out! Let me out!”
The authoritative but patient and kind Top immediately went to the oven door and opened it. The gingerbread boy jumped out, skipped across the kitchen and ran straight outside. The authoritative but patient and kind Top was amazed, but immediately took charge of the situation, as of course he would. He knew at once that he had subconsciously baked a gingerbread brat and his authoritative but kind and patient heart leapt with alpha joy.
He quickly baked a gingerbread paddle and set off in pursuit of his gingerbread brat. “Stop, stop, little gingerbread brat, come back here at once, are you listening to me, boy?”
But the naughty yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat just sang:
“Run Top run, as fast as a cat
You can’t catch me.
I’m the gingerbread brat!”
As he ran the naughty yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat, encountered several bleating goats, a whinnying horse and a spiteful cow who all wanted to tell him where he was going wrong in life, as well as consume him whole, but he outwitted them all, running on and on, feeling really pleased with himself and singing his frankly irritating little song:
“Run Top run, as fast as a cat
You can’t catch me.
I’m the gingerbread brat!”
The authoritative but patient and kind Top smiled to himself, because he never got angry, and murmured, “oh just you wait, my naughty, yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat, we’ll be having words about this.”
Then the naughty, yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat came to a river and stopped in dismay. He didn’t want to have to dunk himself. “Oh dear,” he said...actually he said “Oh Fuck”...but this being a classic tale and all I didn’t think I ought to use language like that.
Anyway, he stared at the river and wondered how he was going to get across, all the while feeling rather nervous because he could hear his creator Top crashing through the undergrowth towards him, carrying, he gulped, what smelled like a freshly baked gingerbread paddle.
Then a sly but smooth talking foxy guy appeared from nowhere. “Hello, you smell good enough to eat, little boy! How about I take you across the river in my super fully equipped ocean-going cruiser, and we discuss menuful, er, I mean meaningful relationships over a nice cup of strange tasting coffee. Later I’ll serve you with, er, I mean treat you to a plate of lava beans and a nice Chianti?”
The naughty, yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat looked thoughtful for a moment, and then nodded, “okay, that sounds good to me.” He was just about to step on board the foxy guy’s boat when his collar was grasped and an authoritative voice intoned:
“Not so fast my gingerbread brat,
at running I’m the Top cat.
I’ll always catch you in the end,
and over my knee you will bend.”
(Look I never claimed it would be Shakespeare)
The foxy guy made himself scarce as the paddle brandishing, authoritative but kind and patient Top spanked the naughty, yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat for running off and being cheeky, but most of all for getting himself into a potentially dangerous, if not fatal, situation with no safe word.
As in all the best fairytales, the foxy guy got his comeuppance in the form of a pre-legislative fox hunt, who were out having one last fun packed, butchering session before their horses and hounds had to be slaughtered and made into dog food for non productive city dogs, who knew nothing of the ways of the countryside.
Again, as in all the best fairytales, the authoritative but patient and kind Top and the naughty, yet adult, fully consenting, gingerbread brat, lived happily ever after…not withstanding the times when the usually kind Top was being mean and unreasonable, as Tops are wont to be at times…and brats wouldn’t have it any different.
The end.
Copyright Cat 2009.